Living With Real Spirit
The decision I made took me out of character. It went against the grain of my early life experience and clashed with how I've become as an adult. This decision has left me feeling part-whole - more spirited - part scared - uncomfortable and confused. It really took me outside my comfort box. As a child I remember people often making comments like, 'Children should be seen and not heard.' I remember kids I went to school with telling me I couldn't sing.
I can remember my opinion being laughed at in a classroom and family asking me to make 'Less noise.' As a result of all of these comments I learned to keep my mouth shut, keep my opinion to myself and live a quite almost monkish existence. Then at 6am one morning, while out for a walk on a country lane I had an uncontrollable urge to shout. It wasn't that I wanted to shout anything in particular. I wasn't angry, frustrated or fed up.
I just wanted to shout, 'Hello', 'Thank you', and 'Yes I am here.' It felt so good. I wanted to do it again. But louder. So I did. Then I wanted to laugh. And it wasn't just a quite laugh. It was a really good belly laugh. As I'm writing this I understand that my spirit wanted to raise the roof and let some more of the hidden me out. You see it's all very well being 'spiritual' - meditating, understanding, being agreeable, showing empathy and all that, but it's quite another thing to be 'spirited.
' Being spirited might mean allowing yourself to make a little noise, letting your voice be heard, perhaps not complying to protocol - or the norm - when you don't agree with it. Having let out my voice I was faced with the urge to dance - the part of me that is uncomfortable was pleased I was at home by this stage and not still walking a country lane - I mean what would it be like to be caught dancing in a country lane at 6am in the middle of nowhere? Then throughout the week I've had the urge to put music on - rather than sit and read or meditate - to speak at a higher volume than usual - shout thanks up to the sky when something good happens rather than bowing my head. And do you know something? .
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